At this moment I”m siting on the floor of a concrete warehouse writing thru a wifi adapter. Just having moved back to America (Eastern Nashville) – from Eastern Europe- I”m finding disturbing cultural similarities that may be a sign of our distressed economic times.

People scrounging for every penny with no regard to buying quality- “Just give me the cheapest…whatever…”

Dogs don’t get designer “dog food’ anymore. Poor Fido has to eat leftover pasta becuase we had to spend the money on 4 childrens school lunches and tonights hamburger helper.

People don’t want to help you because they would have to drive- and driving means using up their gas. Heaven help us.

Support groups have replaced family responsibility and togetherness.  We now look for similarities in those around us. Alzheimers groups, bikers club, phobias anonymous, internet addiction societies, homeless inc. couch surfers, immigrants vs non- immigrants, etc. It seems that if you don’thave a group, then you’re in a boat without a paddle.  I am currently groupless- unless you count autoless as a group.

If you don’t have a cell phone you”re like a man without a country. You don’t exist. Period.  (There’s another group I can identify with- cell phone-less.)

So I’m wondering.. Is this shift in society due to the fact that ” times are rough?” Or are they due to the fact that the media has convinced us all to believe that “times are rough”?

What does the average American fear?  Terrorism? I think not, but we fear losing our jobs, our house, our autos, and our credit rating.  

 When people operate in fear, they rely on the government to give them security. And the government is glad to do this for us with new regulations, rules,  and .new ways of dependency………but not much in the way of meat and potatoes support.

There are times in all our lives when we are afraid. But in that thin thread of humanity-a tenacious spirit remains. We can’t afford to lose what is compassionate, what is vital to our connectedness as a species. What  is our benefit if every man is for himself? Why can’t we just hold on to one another and block out what the media is trying to feed us as reality.

I know tomorrow is another day. A new chance. I also know that I am a survivor. So are you. For the moment – till we really feel secure in ourselves to not listen to hype and naysayers in our economy—its best to walk softly, carry a big stick and maybe a pit bull would help.

If a Greater Power exists, and if we humans could- (for a small nominal fee of course), come to it for answers to some of the world’s greatest mysteries- what would you ask?

Here are my questions:

Did we really walk on the moon?

What is the purpose of cancer- esp in children?

Why does getting what you think you want make you so miserable?

Why were mosquitoes created?

Why do men who hit their wives think that its no problem?

Does an automatic gambling machine ever give five sevens?

Why do Europeans hate the Jewish people so much?

Were our grandfathers really monkeys?

Here are some answers I do know:

How many licks does it take to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop? It depends on if you have a cold or not. It takes less licks if you are sick.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he didn’t have any where else to go.

Are blue eyes really blue? No, they just reflect the world around them.

Can you win money on an automatic gambling machine with fruit? Yes if you stay with the same machine a long time and bet mostly with the highest number. But walk away the moment you win!

Why do bad things happen to good people? Because the world is a consumer and likes to eat them up.

You must have many questions of your own.

I found the oracle today!!!!!!!

Hidden in a remote village in Romania, is a very small, very gentle man. People say that what he says comes true.  He had been abandoned in the forest as a child and survived. He has a lot of palsey and can barely talk clear, so he has an interpreter at all times.  I visited today quite unexpectedly with friends. It was strange to look in his eyes. They were so peaceful. He was kind of funny and told me and my husband things no one would know.  We were going to have 2 children,  we must go to America as soon as possible, and some other curious things.  What an experience!

He then told a friend of ours that she had buried her husband 4 years ago and that the man she was with now was no good to marry because he was a Schmecker! But she will bury her next husband also. ( I think now she is looking for a wealthy man).

We left his house and yard full of chickens in amazement.

Some words are heavy and some questions you really don’t want to know the answer to. Things like-Does my husband really love me?  Will he have an affair?  How long will I live?   Will I be happy or suffer from some disease?  These questions seem off-limits and possibly harmful to handle when you are in the room with the chance to know the future.

What questions do you think you would really ask if you had the chance?

Bittersweet happenings this week:::::::::::::

I made my first beans that didn’t taste like dirt. I also went to the Ukraine for a while and watched the border patrol posture around waiting for quick bribes. We also have a monumentous occasion. A visa appointment for Vincent on Tuesday. But this requires an American sponsor and invitations obtained in 4 days time. So we are scrambling about and I am contacting friends and family. This is a very dangerous task. I have been displaced in Europe too long and am searching for my spot in this world- my world- back home in America.

When given the opportunity to contribute anything in an urgent situation- time, money, resources, small things such as an e-mail or endorsement, who can you count on to rise to the occasion and come though for you?

Well my search ended with me not having parents any more. Not having sisters anymore, not having those I hoped were my friends- anymore. The one saving grace that I am sooooooooo immensely proud of is my son David. He has all my respect for sponsoring his mother and new step-father to obtain a visa and come to the states. Check out his page and his videos:

http://www.myspace.com/fearofthegreatmolerat

So I lost may people this week. But I learned much about the quality of my son’s character, and gained a sudden reconnection to an old friend I thought was lost. I wait for her response, not holding my breath, but inhaling slightly with a glimmer of hope.

Another gift was the new Switchfoot video for Chronicles of Narnia, Prince Caspian- This is Home. I have played it out. It details my heart and I can’t get enough. Watch it here, and try not to cry:

To all the immigrants who yearn for a better life, a place of rest, a chance to feel wanted and safe:

This is home
Now I’m finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I’ve been searching
For a place of my own
Now I’ve found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home

And now after all
My searching
After all my questions
I’m gonna call it home
I got a brand new mindset
I can finally see
The sunset
I’m gonna call it homeI

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I regret not having friends. It’s not so important, I suppose, but now that I am getting older, having someone to bounce things, ideas, dreams, silly notions off of would be …Nice.

The closest I get to feeling friendship is playing chess.  Moving the pieces around, having them interact together. But in real life- I can’t find anyone. You see, I’m a little eccentric. Traveled in Europe, raised some kids, did some funny things, and I still have grand visions in my life. People tend to settle and be happy with what they’ve got. But I’m not.  I’d like to open a small mosaic Gallery, live somewhere near enough to the beach- maybe a coastal town. I want to be out of Europe with a desperation- but can’t see a way out unless I take a loan from the U.S. Embassy.  But location is a temporary problem. I am not afraid of new starts. Actually they are refreshing… But finding a good friend- well thats almost an impossibility.

I think  the term “good friend” is maybe a myth.  How many people can you count on when the going gets rough? Or just when you need to talk? Or when you need a little true advice that knocks you down but picks you up at the same time? They say to have a friend- you must be one first.  I haven’t taken the time to be one. Pure and simple.  But for sure it’s time to try.

If you are reading this today and you have a good friend…….then thank your lucky stars. You are truly one of the few!

kklh

My beloved husband of nine months doesn’t believe in anything. Well, he believes in himself and that is all. No supreme being, no force, no spiritual significance-just dust when we die. I can’t seem to convince him that something must be out there. He has seen people die before- that very moment when all at once, only a body remains. That essence of our personalities, our mind, spirit or soul is gone.

I, personally feel like a spiritual person, a believer, even though we are soo very human! But I am not compelled to re-enter the “church world” after so many years of being involved in it.

But a dilemma came today- aggravated by his mom’s insistence that because she is Orthodox, that we must be also. I heavily disagreed ( in my stuttering Romanian language). He disagreed also, but we got to talking and he said, “You will never go to church, never!”

I replied, ” Sure I will if I want too.”

“No. If you go to church, I will divorce you.” he said.

“You’ve got to be kidding. I can never go to church?”

“No, never.” he said.

Well, I’m an American woman and proud of it. I detest being forbidden anything that has no real evidence of harm. Actually, I have no real interest in going to church at this moment but I don’t want to be forbidden, because I believe every person is responsible for his or her beliefs, ultimately. Plus there are some pretty cool churches in the U.S.

It tried to explain the difference between Orthodox and non-denominational churches in America, but he has no concept of the difference. Just flat-no. Oh my goodness! He is so funny!

But what do you do in this situation? Hopefully its just another cultural abberation I have to accept in his personality and not the nail in the coffin, (as it were). Maybe I should write a book- How I married a Romanian man and lived to tell about it! ….more exerpts from my funny husband later……

Imagine your life changing 360 degrees right in midstream. You become someone with a very old soul. A book on an Oprah show, a circus oddity or a museum antiquity.

I remember being so strong at one time. A mother of six with a disabled epileptic child, a churchgoer, a cook, a boyscout leader, a home-school mom, a singer, and a republican.  Funny, huh? These were the hats I wore, but were they ever really Kate?  This was the dilemma that brought so much upheaval.

3 years down the road, a divorce, and a sudden move to Romania, I sit here on this computer with a European husband and much of that former courage lying dormant.  My initial awakening is now cooled and again I am trying to reinvent myself. Who am I really? How do I hold on to it? How do I express it?

This blog is the beginning. Welcome to a wild ride at the Chronicles of Kate!